Thursday, June 6, 2013

Guess what?

If you had asked me before I became a parent, I would have told you that I wanted two kids. When I was little, I wanted tons of kids. I had a similar plan to Angelina Jolie, actually--I was going to have two biological kids, and adopt the rest from all around the world.

I have one kid.

There are many reasons for this change of plan, but the most important one is this: once I became a parent, my priorities changed. It wasn't just about me (or me and Hopper) anymore. We had to do what was best for Boo, no matter what. And we wanted to do some things for Boo, like send her to private school, that we just wouldn't be able to afford if we adopted another kid.

I'm not going to get into the reasons for private school--that's another post. Suffice it to say that it was the best decision for Boo, for reasons.

This is the thing a lot of people don't seem to get: you're not entitled to have children. For some people, having babies is easy, money is unlimited, and they have enough patience to live with a lot of kids. Those people get to have as many kids as they want. The rest of us are constrained by temperament, funds and/or biology and we just have to deal with that. But nobody seems to want to deal with that.

Some people think it's okay to complain because they have too many kids. "What do you want from me?" They cry. "I have X number of kids and I can only handle X-2 kids."

And I wonder, "Then why didn't you stop at X-1 kids, when you saw that it was difficult?"

Other people think that the world should hand them children, and when they find out it's not that easy, they pitch a fit. Did you know that people with Infertility are protected by the Americans with Disabilities Act? That's right: you need to have a wheelchair ramp and you can't turn anyone down for infertility treatment. Even if they already have six kids and are trying for their seventh. Because it's exactly the same thing.

Being a parent means taking care of your kids. Sometimes it means giving up ideas that you had before the kids came because those ideas don't fit with the family you have now.

Deal with it.

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